What, you egg! Young fry of treachery!

Ever wanted to shock and impress your friends in equal measure? Fed up of saying 'so's yer Mum' in response to bad taste jokes? Worried that your grammatical knowledge of Elizabethan insults is not quite up to scratch? Well thankfully for you, the good people at Shakespearean Insulter have come up with just the solution. Never will you have to suffer in red faced silence again, just commit a couple of the generated phrases to memory, et voila, instant insult kudos.

Just picture the scene, you accidently bump shoulders with someone in the street and come under a barrage of insults, you quickly turn and say: "Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you filthy bung, away"! The other person will either stand aghast for a moment, shrink and then turn away unable to respond for fear of appearing idiotic, or will simply 'deck' you anyway for having the bloody cheek to say anything at all.

I just love imagining this website becoming all the rage, with these phrases becoming bandied around as new slang and eventually observing a word off between two lads in tracksuits, which would go a little something like this:

Scally 1: "Thou puking clapper-clawed foot-licker"!

Scally 2: "Thou art violently carried away from grace".

Scally 1: "You, minion, are too saucy".

Scally 2: "Methink'st thou art a general offence and every man should beat thee". With this he would walk confidently away throwing his lacoste scarf over his shoulder in an aggravated fashion and then go and sit under a tree reading Oscar Wilde quotes eating home made humous and crudites.

Ah yes, what a world that would be!!!

More ridiculous ponderings soon...